Haven't blogged in O too long! Gonna jump right in. I love family, marriage; its great. I chose to stay single, not because I hated family or marriage, but because I felt that it was one way that God was calling me to be able to support it. I love working with couples preparing for marriage. I love trying to create a kid friendly church, where children are seen as a blessing and joy rather than a distraction. That being said, it is more difficult than ever to find a good spouse, to keep said spouse, and to raise good children.
Of course there are many factors as to why it seems more difficult today than it did 3 or 4 generations ago. Many blame technology, the economy, or globalization. Others celebrate the freedom in which women are more easily able to leave abusive husbands, stating that the divorce rate would have been just as high 150 years ago if women had rights.
I am only going to offer one thought on families. This comes from my personal experience growing up in a single-parent household, my studies on church teachings, and my ministry with couples and families. It also stems out of a recent Twitter conversation that 140 characters could not deal with.
I believe that if couples placed more priority on their own relationship than their relationship with their children, their family will be more healthy. This is includes prayer as a couple, date nights and supporting each others actions in front of the children. When couples sacrifice their relationship for their children on a constant basis, they grow farther and farther apart. I guess the question is, what is better for a child? To have a mom and/or a dad who love them (but not each other), or a mom and a dad who's love for each other pours forth onto the children and models for them what true love really looks like.
Now of course I am not saying that mom and dad should be absent parents, going to bingo every night and letting grandma take care of the kids. I'm just saying that there is a reason that, biologically, couples come before kids. Maybe our priorities need to be that way as well!
Agree or disagree? I would love to get a comment thread going on this!
FT
Friar Tuc: A blog about God and all things important to me. Enjoy!
2 comments:
I meant to comment on this weeks ago, better late then never! I just wanted to say that I agree with you. Between work, and kids and exhaustion the week can fly by with out having a proper adult conversation. Granted, Markus does work evenings sometimes so I barely get to see him, but that just makes it more important to have that alone time to regroup, regain our sanity and find out what has been going on in each others lives.
Waaay late to the party on this but I stumbled onto your blog through twitter and I wanted to chime in on this one. I agree with you completely. The example set by a husband and wife has such a dramatic impact on their children but people constantly seem to forget that.
You have to maintain the "couplehood" that made your marriage so great to begin with and that love, affection and support you have for each other will radiate onto every other aspect of your life. You don't lose your identity as a spouse because you had children and reaffirming your bond with each other doesn't distract from your roll as parents, it improves it.
Otherwise you run the risk of becoming two people who happen to live in the same home and share the same children. That isn't a place anyone should want to be and everyone can feel that it isn't right...including the kids.
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